Subject: Fun classes now offered at your nearest community college


                             SEMINARS FOR MALES

  Once again, the female staff will be offering courses to men of all
  marital status.  Please note:  the names of some courses have been
  changed.  Attendance in at least 10 of the following courses in
  mandatory.

   1.  Combating stupidity.
   2.  You Can Do Housework, Too.
   3.  PMS - Learning When To Keep Your Mouth Shut.
   4.  How to Fill an Ice Tray.
   5.  We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas - Give Us Money!
   6.  Understanding the Female Response to You Coming in Drunk at 4 AM.
   7.  Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formally titled "Don't Wash My
          Silks")
   8.  Parenting - No It Doesn't End with Conception.
   9.  Get a Life - Learn to Cook.
  10.  How Not to Act Like An Asshole When You're Obviously Wrong.
  11.  Spelling - Even You Can Get if Right.
  12.  Understanding your Financial Incompetence.
  13.  You - The Weaker Sex.
  14.  Reasons to Give Flowers.
  15.  How to Stay Awake After Sex.
  16.  Why It Is Unacceptable to Relieve Yourself Anywhere But the
          Washroom.
  17.  Garbage - Getting It to the Curb.
  18.  #101 - You Can Fall Asleep Without It If You Really Try.
  19.  #201 - "The Morning Dilemma" - If It's Awake, Take a Shower.
  20.  I'll Wear It If I Damn Well Please.
  21.  How To Put the Toilet Lid Down.
  22.  'The Weekend' and 'Sports' Are not Synonyms.
  23.  Give Me A Break! - Why We Know Your Excuses Are Bullshit.
  24.  How To Go Shopping With Your Mate Without Getting Lost.
  25.  The Remote Control - Overcoming Your Dependency.
  26.  Romanticism - Other Ideas Besides Sex.
  27.  Helpful Postural Hints For Couch Potatoes.
  28.  Mothers-in-Law - They Are People Too.
  29.  How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children.
  30.  You Too Can Be A Designated Driver.
  31.  Male Bonding - Leaving Your Friends At Home.
  32.  Honest, You Don't Look Like Mel Gibson (Especially When Naked).
  33.  Changing Your Underwear - It Really Works.
  34.  The Attainable Goal - Omitting "@&$^@#!" From Your Vocabulary.
  35.  Fluffing The Blankets After Farting is Not Necessary.

  Please register immediately as courses are in great demand.

 Last time this came around (a couple of years ago), I came up with
 the following list in the interest of "equal time".  I got a lot of
 flak about it from some who apparently didn't read the original
 article, so I'm including it too.  Hopefully people can take this in
 the playful spirit in which it's intended.


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                               SEMINARS FOR WOMEN

 In response to the seminar offerings by the female staff, the male
 staff has created a set of courses for females of all marital
 status.  The following courses will be offered:

   General Education:
     GE101:  Why the Toilet Seat Has Hinges
     GE102:  Checkbook Balancing (formerly "Remedial Third Grade
              Arithmetic")
     GE103:  How to Drive a Nail Without Breaking One
     GE104:  How to Parallel Park
     GE105:  Why Going to the Bathroom is Not a Group Activity
     GE106:  Road Maps and Other Crutches for Spineless Wimps
     GE107:  Why a Bad Sports Telecast is Better Than a Good Soap Opera

   Home Economics:
     HE101a: Over-Laundering - Why Clothing Wears Out Prematurely
     HE101b: Over-Vacuuming - Why Carpets Wear Out Prematurely
     HE101c: Over-Dusting - Why Furniture Wears Out Prematurely
     HE101d: Over-Washing - Why Dishes Wear Out Prematurely
     HE102:  How to Avoid Spending Money You Don't Have (formerly "How
             to Cut Credit Cards in Half")
     HE103:  Overcoming "The Imelda Syndrome" (formerly called "How
           Many Feet Do You Have, Anyway?")

   Interpersonal Relationships:
     IR101:  How to Say "No" With Kindness and Appreciation
     IR102:  Why Men Enjoy Grocery Shopping About As Much As Women 	Enjoy Watching Roller Derby
     IR103:  Submission - a Biblical Perspective (prereq: SE101a or b)
     IR104:  Marriage - The Number One Cause of Divorce
     IR105:  Preposterous Mood Swings (PMS) (formerly "Keeping Your
             Personal Problems from Ruining Everyone Else's Life Too")
     IR106:  Understanding Men's Revulsion to Tampon Commercials
             (formerly called "We Know What That Little 'Plastic
               Applicator' is REALLY For!")

   Sex Education:
     SE101a: How to Say "Yes"
     SE101b: How to Say "No" But Mean "Yes"
     SE102:  Sex - It's Not Just for Breakfast Anymore
     SE103:  Who Belongs on Top and Why
     SE104:  Lingerie - The Gift that Keeps On Giving
     SE105:  Sexual Alternatives for "That Time of the Month"
            (formerly titled "Any Old Port in a Storm")
     SE106:  Foreplay (not a required course, for extra credit only)